We invite gentle readers to indicate via comments their preferred approach to the parodying of
last night's media-political event.
1: Democrats Hold "Awesome" SleepoverThe sound of girlish giggles echoed through the halls of the the Capitol Building last night as Democrats held a sleepover.
Led by Senators Boxer and
Feinstein of California but joined by such unlikely sleepover participants as Nevada's Harry Reid, the event included senators in fuzzy slippers and cute flannel
jammies giving each other facials, hairdos and pedicures. In one corner a wide-screen TV was showing
The Notebook on a continuous loop. In another corner, Senators played board games.
"Barbara
Mikulski brought her old 'Barbie, Queen of the Prom' game," remarked Indiana's Evan
Bayh. "Of course, back in Indiana, people used to refer to me and my wife as 'Ken and Barbie.' But imagine what it was like when Robert Byrd won the game and became Queen of the Prom!"
Republicans largely boycotted the event. Some were seen in the Old Senate Office Building clustered around a TV and X-Box playing "Halo." Most, however, reported using earplugs to block out the sounds of the slumber party and get some actual sleep.
2: Democrats Hold Successful "Senate Telethon"Taking a page from Jerry Lewis and the Muscular Dystrophy Association, Democrats turned the Senate into an all-night television fundraiser.
"We thank C-SPAN for donating free airtime for this important event," announced telethon emcee Harry Reid. "They've given us the means to prove to our most ideologically driven supporters our symbolic, albeit totally ineffectual, commitment to ending the War in Iraq."
Most similar events announce incremental progress in resolving the issue for which the funds are being raised, inspiring a degree of hope that spurs donations. This one did the opposite. Despite mounting evidence of military progress in Iraq, emcee Reid introduced Senators whose "acts" were repeated declarations that Iraq is a lost cause. Senator after Senator asserted that there's no reason to wait for a report from General
Petraeus in September, as it's clear that the "Bush administration's failed strategy" admits of nothing other than perpetual disaster. "Events may overtake our assessment," said Senator Carl Levin, "but they can never overcome our stubborn rhetoric."
Democrats report that
netroots contributors were pleased by the event. Admitting that they made no legislative headway whatsoever, Senator Diane
Feinstein declared that the event was all entirely symbolic, to prove Democrats' commitment to ending the war by staying up past their bedtimes.
Then she began tearfully to sing, "You'll Never Walk Alone, Unless You're in the Middle East."
3: Senators Stay Up All Night Talking; Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and Airmen Stay Up All Night Catching and Killing Bad Guys"Nero fiddled while Rome burned," as the saying goes. Last night in Washington, Democrat Senators stayed up to talk while in Iraq, America's servicemen and women stayed up all night subduing the enemy.
While their elected officials were
prematurely announcing their defeat, the elite armed forces of the United States managed to knock out
yet another al Qaida stronghold. Similarly, military officials announced the
recent capture of the man they deem the most senior
al Qaida figure in Iraq.
Army Staff Sergeant Dewey
Dewourduty, returned from a nighttime raid, details of which are classified, responded wearily to reporters' questions about the Senate's all-
nighter. "I hear they've held up defense appropriations for this media circus," he stated flatly. "Maybe they think we can hunt down terrorists with slingshots and
spitwads."
"I don't like being here one bit," Sgt.
Dewourduty continued. "But what I hate worse than being here is leaving before we finish our job. I wish those Senators would shut up long enough to hear me say that,
Jim Webb included."
Postscript: Look
here for how rigorous an all-
nighter Reid and company actually managed.