Rain on election day is normally taken as good for Rs and bad for Ds, as it's assumed that Democrat voters are less likely to brave the elements. And it's raining right now in Cincinnati.
But this year, rain is to the advantage of Democrats. You see, Evil Genius Karl Rove and Prince of Darkness Dick Cheney have stationed snipers at polling places, and any member of America's Working Families who manages to get through the ring of land mines around the precinct will be shot. But rain spoils the aim of these Republican snipers, so it's likely that some gay, disabled veterans of color will get through to vote. Not that it should matter, as they won't have the 42 kinds of government-issued ID that the Rascally Republicans are requiring this year for citizens to exercise their franchise.
But still somehow, it's going to be a Democrat blowout. By sheer numbers, like an ant colony or the Borg on Star Trek, the People will prevail against every Republican plot to steal yet another election. Expect peace and prosperity for all, by February at the latest.
For those with a serious interest in following the results, we recommend John Fund's guide to significant races (print and consult during the reports of returns tonight).
For those who, like the SWNID household, refuse to pay for television, there aren't a lot of options for viewing results and punditry. NBC will have brief updates on the hour at 8 and 9 p.m., but otherwise, it's great TV like Dancing with the Stars until 10 p.m. We wish that Fox's broadcast division would field the same team that they did in 2004, with the immortal Michael Barone reviewing district-by-district returns and divining their significance. But it appears that Antichrist Rupert Murdoch is acceding to the Will of the People and maintaining normal programming.
So we recommend the internet for results. Start with RealClearPolitics. But don't neglect local returns. Hamilton County is posting "real time" results here.
4 comments:
Bravo to SWNID for finally recognizing the Rove-Cheney cabal and it's evil ways! Let's all meet at R-HQ for some sneering, smirking and a great big glass of sour-grape juice.
Kennedy gave us Camelot, and now we can (hopefully) toast the beginning-of-the-end of the Bush-Spamalot era.
I'm hiring a stretch limo and a driver, putting on a big ole cowboy hat, and just like our Prez, gonna pretend that I , too, am a real cowboy. Hopefully, those Cheney trained snipers will think that I'm well heeled Republican at let me thru to vote. Being Cheney trained, they will probably shoot each other where the sun don't shine.
Once safely home with my middle class wife, middle class kids, and middle class dogs I will watch the returns on cable (call me extravagent!)and hope that our national dignity can begin to be restored.
PS: Should the Dems fall on their face, there will be crow eating buffet at D-HQ starting at 6:00 PM tomorrow evening.
some of us would brave more than mere rain, snipers and landmines to remove the buttheads who brought us No Child Left Behind.
i'll take it a step further and suggest that the snipers take their aim at these folks as they stand in the unemployment line.
I seem to recall that Ted Kennedy was a co-sponsor of NCLB.
haha - i'd be happy to help vote ted out, too.
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