We stood by and did nothing when they introduced the burrito.
We accepted the salads and the black beans and rice.
We've even ordered a few of these items when we were maxed out on the traditional chili dishes.
But this is too much.
Skyline Chili is imitating last year's "cheddarwurst cheese coney" debacle with a "cheddar mett cheese coney." We are offended, disgusted and repulsed.
Gentle readers should note well that we would affirm and support with our enthusiastic patronage the introduction of a "mettwurst cheese coney." We believe that the classic mettwurst is one of life's great delights and a distinctively appealing aspect of life in Our Fair City. We would enjoy the spicy sausage's combination with savory Cincinnati-style chili and actual, grated cheddar cheese with yellow mustard and chopped onions on a carefully steamed bun. Yum!
It's the faux "cheddar," i.e. semiliquid "cheese food," crudely injected into an otherwise noble and tasty sausage to which we object.
We offer the proposition that this substance--"Cheez Whiz" and all of its unnatural, illegitimate spawn--is the epitome of all that is wrong with American cuisine. Actual cheese is a noble comestible, existing in many tasty forms and best enjoyed in moderation in its pure state. The gooey un-cheese substitute, by contrast, appeals to the basest aspect of human existence. A bizarre mixture of dairy extracts, corn byproducts and chemical additives, it facilitates quick, excessive consumption while masking (re: broccoli with hot Cheez Whiz "sauce") or being masked by (re: salsa + Cheez Whiz + microwave oven = "chili con queso") other foodstuffs.
And now Skyline has committed itself to syncretize its holy product annually with this offense against nature. No wonder people are leaving Our Fair City.
We protest vigorously.
The nauseating spectacle ends September 3. We pray for an earlier demise.
17 comments:
i've a better idea:
want better chili? want less gimmicky cusine? great! go to gold star chili instead of skyline!
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!
want the BEST chili in all of cincinnati? super! go to Camp Washington Chili - it makes all other chili taste weak and watery.
and if you order today you'll be eligible to hear scott say, "Skyline Sucks!" but hurry! offer ends soon!
Hold on a second. Velveeta covers a multitude of sins (Broccoli, Asparagus) better than anything under the sun. The whole reason it's popular is that it tastes great, slices easily, and melts evenly (doesn't turn into an oily, flavorless mess like real cheddar) - especially on grilled items.
Moreover, Blue Mountain Jalapeno-Cheddar Bratwursts are unbelievably tasty. In spite of the protests, I "stink up the kitchen" and grill them at least once a week. Man-food at its best.
Obviously real cheese is necessary for Italian foods and snacking with crackers. But let's not apply absolutes so hastily.
Re Rustypants's judgment on chili: we do enjoy the occasional Camp Washington 5-way, but we deplore the insipid Gold Star, whose gimmickry (footlongs and root-beer floats?!) far outstrips Skyline, BTW.
Both of these chilis, in our view, rely more on the taste of the meat than the taste of the spices, Camp Washington to good effect and Gold Star to bad. But our preference is to taste the spices, not the meat. It's called "chili," not "ground beef."
Re Matt's judgment on "cheese food": except in Italian dishes and macaroni and cheese, cheese should not be melted, period. N.B. that there is no such thing as a kosher cheese burger. And we find it at least ironic that the "cheese food" that contains partially hydrogenized vegetable oil is the less oily product.
What ever happened to mango duck with salsa?
So I suppose cheese powders are an abomination as well? Hamburger Helper is not just for the helpless... it actually tastes good, and we eat it often in spite of everything else at our disposal.
Any dining establishment that has given so many people so much diarrhea needs to close shop. Let hofbrauhaus handle the metwurst and the Texans handle the chili.
So I suppose cheese-powders are an abomination too? Hamburger Helper is not just for the helpless... it actually tastes good, and we eat it often in spite of everything else at our disposal.
Matt, how does someone so amazingly thin stay that way while eating what you describe?
Or maybe that's it! We need to get you some real food that will make you want to eat more.
I concur with SWNIDS opinion on chili, although the beans and rice and burritos offer variety to the menu and aren't that bad.
Tragically, while in Michigan a few weekends ago I made the mistake of trying what they called a "coney island". Not even Skylines dreaded cheddarwurst coney could be that bad.
As a former CBC dorm resident, I resent the all powerful dean (that mean 'ol dean!), I resent these hurtful remarks towards cheese wiz. As any dorm residents know we are not allowed to have anything to cook with, therefore we were forced to live on cheese wiz and ramen noodles.
On a second note, I LOVE SKYLINE. While in Iraq some good friends sent me cans of skyline that I enjoyed with goldfish crackers. So I suggest that as I am preparing to head off to Afghan that CBC do a skyline drive for us Cincy soldiers that are forced to go a year without that wonderful taste.
dare we ask what SWNID thinks about canned easy cheese? velveeta and cheese wiz can at least make salsa taste good. it seems that all people do with easy cheese is put it on crackers...why one would not want to use real cheese, i do not know.
Re Easy Cheese, what can be easier than cheese? You open the fridge, take it out, unwrap it, slice it and eat it. If you want it fancy, you put it on a cracker or a nice piece of hearty, crusty bread. Cheese is the original and most convenient of convenience foods.
Here's a project for a budding MBA in marketing: survey the actual uses of Easy Cheese by consumers, including the percentages thereof. We feel in our gut (entirely free of Easy Cheese residue, BTW) that most is used for pranks at middle-school camps or is squirted directly into one's own or someone else's mouth by loutish, drunken undergraduates.
Re a Skyline drive for our Cincinnati-area soldiers and Marines, we can think of few finer ways to show our appreciation for their sacrifices. We'll share the idea and see what comes of it.
Despite the advice of SWNID and without regard to my own safety, I decided to visit a local (Delhi) Skyline to try the "cheddar mettwurst." Feeling like the 15-minutes of fame celebrity from Supersize Me, I began to devour the mett. My barbaric palate resonnated with fake cheesey goodness! I was shocked! I was amazed! I was enjoying the cheese that normally comes on the coney-styled food! By that, I mean my mett was completely void of cheese product until the very last bite of which it had a soupcon of cheddar product. So, not only did I get a double dose of disappointment from 1. eating fake cheese, but 2. I was gypped* on my fake cheese product!
*crazy, like those gypsies from cartoons and movies!
As an addendum to my last nonsensical post, please note that more people are (expectedly) more passionate about fake cheese, Skyline, Cincinnati-styled chili, than any other topic relating to global politics, national news, or political concern. I am included in this accusatory statement!
let's back up a little. are you so incensed by the fake cheese that you forget the matter of the makeup of mettwurst or any of its hot dog cousins? if I were you, I'd pay attention to your consumption of unmentionable by-products all together. believe me, whatever goes into fake cheese is not nearly as offensive as what goes into a meat product surrounded by hog casings:)
A sausage is all meat, whatever meat it is. "Cheese food" is not all dairy, however.
The same may be said for the immor(t)al White Castle hamburger, definitely made entirely from steer parts, though no one will reveal which ones.
Post a Comment