Evil Genius Karl Rove, who yesterday revealed his resignation from the Bush White House, today through a spokesperson announced that he is donating his collection of magical dark arts accoutrements to the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum of Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
Included in the collection are various horcruxes, shrunken heads, skulls, potions, cursed objects, pickled brains and hearts, and odd bones from humans and various exotic and magical creatures. Rove reportedly used the objects to manipulate the minds and hearts of voters and politicians to advance his Evil Plan for World Domination.
Among the most prized objects are cursed ballots from the 2000 presidential election in Florida. Rove had applied the famous "butterfly jinx" to the ballots so that votes cast for Al Gore showed up as votes for Pat Buchanan. Other ballots received the "chad abortion curse," making so-called "pregnant chads" recede so as to obscure the "voter's intent."
Also included are cursed voting machines from Ohio in 2004. These magically repelled Democrat voters, creating the illusion of long lines and identity requirements that discouraged Kerry voters from casting ballots in the state that proved decisive in the Electoral College.
The Ripley's Museum announced that it will produce a traveling exhibit of some of the objects. Featured on the tour will be voodoo dolls of Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame, used by Rove to manipulate the pair to act narcissistically through the controversy about Plame's alleged "outing," thereby destroying their credibility with the public and preserving Rove's appearance of innocence.
Rove's spokesperson did not reply when asked whether Rove had also donated the giant poisonous snake allegedly used by the political mastermind to devour his enemies.
4 comments:
Rove's exit to coincide with the release of the final Harry Potter edition?
I can't wait for "Harry Potter and the Evil Spin Doctor", where adult Harry leaves his mundane, bureaucratic job at the Ministry to battle the evil VoldeRove, who has posessed a clueless Jeb Bush in his attempt to start more wars, cause more havoc and turn more republican hearts to stone...
An interview with the BBC today revealed that Silence is the next work to be filmed by the iconic Martin Scorcese. You've mentioned before that this was a possibility, but now it looks to become a reality.
We find our heart strangely warmed by this reassurance. We persist in the belief that great books are rarely, if ever, made into movies that do them justice, but we believe that if anyone can do justice to Endo, it is Scorcese. We will line up to see the first showing.
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