Saturday, August 22, 2009

Cash for Sarcasm?

We thank the many gentle readers who have alertly alerted us that Uncle Sugar has heard our plea.

Yes indeed, boys and girls, the Federal Government, according to the highest and truest vision of the Founding Fathers, looks set to offer you cash to replace your old dishwasher with a brand new, energy-saving one. Same goes for other appliances. White goods are now officially green, as well as red, white and blue. Looks like you might get as much as $300, which could buy you a whole lot of part of an appliance.*

Now, please note that that the $300 is 1% of a citizen's individual share of the Obama budget's deficit over the next ten years. And that's per individual--adults and children included--not per household. So for every dollar that our friends in Washington borrow on our behalf, we'll get back a shiny penny for an appliance. And that's not a percentage of spending that includes tax revenue per citizen, just federal borrowing per citizen. What a deal! It's nearly as good as all those cash-back offers made by credit card companies. Just don't ask for your change.

As part of the brilliantly conceived economic stimulus program, cash for clunkers is creating widespread prosperity where once all humanity stood on the precipice of unending economic depression. Economic indicators show the recession bottoming out. And so far, only a fraction of the stimulus money, equal to about 1% of GDP, has been spent! That's how stimulating government can be when it's in the hands of the Right People.

Attention, Obamanoids: our request for cash for appliance clunkers was yet another example of sarcasm. Kindly stop reading this blog for policy advice until you've studied up on how such discourse functions. Read Swift or Ezekiel or some old Mad magazines while you're relaxing at Martha's Vineyard.

*On the side, Mr. President and fellow Dems, our air conditioner, likely covered by the upcoming appliance-clunker program, is over 25 years old. It clunks. And thanks to a quirk in our house's construction, we actually have two units. Looks like about $6k job to replace the mess. Could you kindly raise the amount offered in your generous program so that we can recover a little more than what we'll get from a coupon in the "Red Plum" packet left on our porch this weekend? Maybe if we go to a town hall meeting and tell a touching story about sweating through the summer without a way to pay?

1 comment:

KevinAK said...

I wouldn't rush to participate in these cash for whatever schemes. Apparently they will count as income for tax purposes.