Thursday, September 29, 2005

Quotes from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

August brings the world of performing arts to Britain's loveliest city, Edinburgh, for the Edinburgh Festival, and the world of subversive performing arts to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Much fun and laughter ensues.

A colleage of SWNID has forwarded the following quotes, attributed to performers at this year's Fringe. We happily share them with you. Do forgive the British spellings. One caveat: we can't be sure that the attributions are accurate, as these come to us by forwarded email. But they're funny enough that it doesn't matter.

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. - Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.- Jimmy Carr

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.- Chris Addison at the Pleasance

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon


My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.- Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.- Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber"? - Steven Alan Green at C34

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"- Norman Lovett at The Stand

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.- Chris Addison at the Pleasance

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.- Milton Jones at the Underbelly

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