A colleage of SWNID has forwarded the following quotes, attributed to performers at this year's Fringe. We happily share them with you. Do forgive the British spellings. One caveat: we can't be sure that the attributions are accurate, as these come to us by forwarded email. But they're funny enough that it doesn't matter.
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. - Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.- Jimmy Carr
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.- Chris Addison at the Pleasance
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.- Susan Murray at the Underbelly
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.- Jeremy Limb, at the Trap
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber"? - Steven Alan Green at C34
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"- Norman Lovett at The Stand
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.- Chris Addison at the Pleasance
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.- Milton Jones at the Underbelly
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