Saturday, January 21, 2006

Lost Whale Sprouts Legs, Walks on Shore

Latest reports from London indicate a most unusual development in the story of the whale lost in the Thames River 40 miles from the English Channel.

The whale, seen at right, has apparently sprouted legs, donned men's swim trunks, size XXXXL, a baseball cap, water shoes and sunglasses, and stepped onto a pier.

Analysts report a similar phenomenon in July 1969 in Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts. There a similar though younger, somewhat less orotund creature emerged from the water by night, apparently trying to avoid detection by humans. Attention to the event was diverted as it occurred during the Apollo 11 moon landing. A female of unknown relationship to the creature was reported drowned at the same site.

Evolutionary biologists note that these phenomena do not properly constitute evidence of evolution, as both events can only be evaluated as devolution, a development from a more adaptable, intelligent, able species to one less so. "Survival of the less fit is not a tenent of Darwin's theory," noted one expert.


JB in CA said...

Actually, the evolution verdict is still out since the whale clearly shows signs of developing into a female, which, by anyone's standards, would count as a more adaptable, intelligent, and able form of life.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blog and typically agree with most of what you say. After all, you're seldom wrong.
However, making fun of fat people is not cool. Yes, i'm one of them and i'm not proud of the fact and I accept that most, if not all, of the fault and responsibility is on my shoulders. I do have a few medical conditions that add to the challenge, not to mention emotional baggage, mental illness and addiction issues. If someone snapped my picture on the beach and I ended up on some guys blog being referred to as a whale that would sting a little.

Rustypants said...

it wasn't me. danny joe's nickname for me is fatboy and i wear it proudly.

then i flip him off.

Jon A. Alfred E. Michael J. Wile E. SWNID said...

Dear Anonymous,

We're not making fun of this man because he's fat. We're making fun of him because he's hugely rich, hugely famous, hugely irresponsible, and on the wrong side of just about every political issue. Which is to say, he's a Democratic Senator.

We stress explicitly what may have escaped the attention of some gentle readers: the picture is of Senator Ted Kennedy, D-Inebriation. The historical allusions, supplemented with a hyperlink, were supposed to clue you in.

It's the law of the SWNID univese that we only make fun of public figures, and then only for things that the public figure has control over. If you seek fame, you're fair game.

By the way, what is it about Democrats that get's them photographed in their swim trunks despite their epic proportions? Anyone remember that painful footage of Bill dancing with Hillary on the beach, he with his pasty, sunken chest, bird legs and big belly?

And notice how Dubya, undoubtedly our most physically fit Commander in Chief ever, has never been photographed without a shirt?


Kevin K in Mt A said...

After reading your explanation of the humor in this post, I appreciate now that I understand it. However, I do think the post is somewhat insulting -- to the whale :-)

JB in CA said...

You'd think such an affluent South Hamptonite could at least afford to dress decently in public. All it would take is a color-coordinated bro from the Cosmo Kramer collection.

Robb said...

How am I supposed to want to save the rainforest, stop clubbing baby seals, to stop shooting lead jacketed ammunition, if killing more whales prevented me from viewing this picture!?