Risking a trademark infringement suit from the NFL for not referring to the event with the generic "Big Game," we hereby make our prediction, which is to say express our preference, for the outcome of today's Superbowl.
Here's how the teams stack up:
The Chicago Bears are one of the NFL's original franchises, founded by Papa Bear George Halas himself. They play at celebrated Soldier Field, named to honor America's military personnel, on the shore of beautiful Lake Michigan and on the edge of one of the world's most impressive cityscapes, the Chicago Loop. The weather during football season at this venue is generally cold, windy and wet. The team, this year and traditionally, plays manly, physical defense and grinding offense. They win with courage, strength and determination.
The Indianapolis Colts are a franchise that left their original city by night, under cover of darkness to hide the shame of abandoning generations of fans. Forsaking the traditions of Unitas and company, they located in one of America's up-and-coming mid-sized cities, with an indoor stadium, the RCA Dome--named to honor a giant corporation, to protect its febrile players from the rigors of central Indiana's moderate autumn weather and keep its pharmaceutical executives and insurance actuaries comfortable in their Izod shirtsleeves. They are famous for their celebrity quarterback, Peyton Manning--scion of a quarterback family, endorser of every imaginable product ever sold and subject to the Heimlich maneuver in every big game he's played except the most recent one. The Colts play an effete, feminine style of football, characterized on defense by weak tackling and on offense by the swiveling of hips and other ballet moves to catch passes thrown on every down by the overanxious Manning.
For those who know that this blogger was reared in Indianapolis, we note that our Indianapolis had no stolen NFL franchise. Further, we lived in Chicago, still our favorite city in America, during the Bears' last NFL championship. So we know about football righteousness in this instance.
For a more objective view, we refer readers to the trenchant analysis of today's event by sports expert and Miami resident Dave Barry.