Sunday, February 04, 2007

SWNID's Superbowl Pregame

Risking a trademark infringement suit from the NFL for not referring to the event with the generic "Big Game," we hereby make our prediction, which is to say express our preference, for the outcome of today's Superbowl.

Here's how the teams stack up:

The Chicago Bears are one of the NFL's original franchises, founded by Papa Bear George Halas himself. They play at celebrated Soldier Field, named to honor America's military personnel, on the shore of beautiful Lake Michigan and on the edge of one of the world's most impressive cityscapes, the Chicago Loop. The weather during football season at this venue is generally cold, windy and wet. The team, this year and traditionally, plays manly, physical defense and grinding offense. They win with courage, strength and determination.

The Indianapolis Colts are a franchise that left their original city by night, under cover of darkness to hide the shame of abandoning generations of fans. Forsaking the traditions of Unitas and company, they located in one of America's up-and-coming mid-sized cities, with an indoor stadium, the RCA Dome--named to honor a giant corporation, to protect its febrile players from the rigors of central Indiana's moderate autumn weather and keep its pharmaceutical executives and insurance actuaries comfortable in their Izod shirtsleeves. They are famous for their celebrity quarterback, Peyton Manning--scion of a quarterback family, endorser of every imaginable product ever sold and subject to the Heimlich maneuver in every big game he's played except the most recent one. The Colts play an effete, feminine style of football, characterized on defense by weak tackling and on offense by the swiveling of hips and other ballet moves to catch passes thrown on every down by the overanxious Manning.

For those who know that this blogger was reared in Indianapolis, we note that our Indianapolis had no stolen NFL franchise. Further, we lived in Chicago, still our favorite city in America, during the Bears' last NFL championship. So we know about football righteousness in this instance.

Go Bears!

For a more objective view, we refer readers to the trenchant analysis of today's event by sports expert and Miami resident Dave Barry.

5 comments:

Guy named Courtney said...

I would just like to note that I woke up at 2:30AM to watch my Colts win the superbowl. There isn't a much better way to start your day then after watching your team win the superbowl having a nice cup of coffee, walk outside and watch the sunrise over the mountains and having f-18's flying air cover.

Jon A. Alfred E. Michael J. Wile E. SWNID said...

And thanks again for being where you are and doing what you do. We just feel bad for all the Bears fans in uniform.

Guy named Courtney said...

I would have felt bad, if it wasn't for all the trash talking the Bears fans were doing in the first quarter of the game.
And I enjoy what I do, I am with a fairly open group of guys who have been introduced to Christianity in their past, but have not ever seen an example of a strong Christian in their line of work. Perhaps people call it cliche to say they see God working in people's hearts, but over here you really can see it happening.
In my job here, working with the locals you look for small changes in lifestyle to see that you're making a difference, and I guess thats what I'm already seeing with my soldiers. They really want to know about God, and they want to know how to live a life for God and not for themselves, I just hope I can be what they need in an example.
I apologize if I got preachy in there, while I miss home and my wife terribly, I really do enjoy my work here, both for my God and for my country.

Anonymous said...

This was, by far, one of SWNID's weakest "takes" on anything, much less sports. First, I daresay that no one currently associated with the Colts was part of the franchise when they moved to Indy under the cover of darkness. That was over 20 years ago; let's move on, please. Second, I've never seen a less manly-looking defense than the Bears last night. The Colts offensive line absolutely punished the pitiful Bears defense. Oh yeah, and the Bears were really playing that "grinding offense" when good ole' Rex impatiently threw downfield, resulting in two interceptions. I think it's a bit of a dream to compare this Bears team to the truly "manly" Bears teams of yesteryear.

Dave said...

Greatest SWND post EVER! It was a conspiracy. The NFL wanted their golden boy to win. Plus Archie was gonna orchestrate a trade to move his little boy to the Canadian football league if the NFL didn't pull through for him.